Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Maria Wong

I'm considering becoming a vegetarian (again). The first time I went all-veggie was because I felt sorry for the poor animals. I was young, and had never experienced a great steak. After the steak, I became a vegetarian for health reasons. That didn't last too long, either, but I have to admit that I felt great during that time. This third (and final) attempt at joining the vegetarians of the world is because of a nameless, faceless woman that works at the Krystal's near Marietta Square. See, on those rare (ha!) occasions that I have been out drinking, I crave something greasy and bad for me on the way home. Since Krystal's is always open late, I usually end up there. Anyway, there is a woman that takes the orders at the drive-through with a very strong accent. The drive through speakers are so awful, I can't even discern if it is a Spanish accent or Chinese. Saturday Night:

"I take you order now."

"Can I have two Krystal chicks with cheese and an ice water, please?"

"Two chickens wit cheese?"

"Um... two Krystal CHICKS with cheese. And that ice water. Please."

"Yeah. Two chickens wit cheese."

At this point I was a little worried (I wasn't sure if they were going to throw a clucking , flapping fowl into my car or two little burgers), but the alcohol in me demanded that I go with it.

"Yes. I'd like two chickens with cheese. Don't bother plucking. And just slap the cheese on their backs."

"That $2.06. Drive around."

Man, that's cheap for two chickens. The cheese alone usually costs 50 cents.

I wanted to meet this "interesting" woman who made me giggle at 3:00 in the morning, that put such horrible and "fowl" (pun intended) images in my head.. that she inspired me to give vegetarianism another try, and Lord, but what kind of accent is that, anyway? But when I pulled up to the window, there was an old southern man there to take my money. As I drove home eating the pickles off of my sandwich I was overcome with a mixture of disappointment from not meeting "Maria Wong" (the name I gave her since I couldn't figure out if she was Spanish or Chinese) and relief over NOT getting what I had ordered: Two chickens, unplucked, with cheese.